I miss you so much it hurts.
I had the luck to say goodbye to her the whole weekend, and to really cuddle her. Sunday night I sat with her for an hour just talking to, cuddle her and to play with her. She was so happy, and she played go-fetch with me for 20 minutes. She was almost like a kitten re-born. But I could still see in her eyes she wasn't. She looked so tired... She was only 7 years old, and we had only had her for 2½ years.
Monday morning my kids said goodbye by caressing her and kissing her before they left for school/daycare. Signhild was very pleased by the attention, and I think she knew it was the last good bye.
When I got back I gave her smoked salmon and ham. Things she couldn't eat before because of her kidney disease (she could only eat special food and had medication every day). It was so nice seeing her so exited again. I filmed her a bit to be able to see her again. I have already watched that movie over and over...
After some kissing and more cuddling it was time to go to the veterinary station.
Signhild was acting like normal; jumping around being curious, and cuddled the nurse and doctor.
I decided I wanted to hold her the way she liked to be carried around; hanging over my shoulder. So they gave her the shot and I think her heart stopped within 3 beats.
She went so fast I almost wasn't ready. But when are you ready for something like this...? It's good for the animals, they don't have time to be distressed, but for me it was awful. My tears running like the Niagara-falls...
Before I left I made her look like she was just asleep, so I have a very nice last picture of her in my mind. She almost looked like a kitten laying there.
I feel so empty, and I wonder if it will ever stop.
This is why people are so reluctant to love, it hurts like hell to loose the love.
Signhild, I love you so much. Our 2½ years together was not enough - I'm not ready to have lost you.
She lives inside you,and she may plays with you as a soul now...
ReplyDeletei was crying by reading this.
ReplyDeleteYour post was so sad I teared up. I would never put my pet to sleep. I would have held on longer. I don't believe in putting animals to sleep because I believe they can cure themselves. My dog was on and off sick for 3 years and he went through hell and back. He has been doing great for almost three months now so I don't have the heart to take that away from him.
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing by keeping her out of prolonged misery and steady deterioration.
ReplyDeleteThis really hurt to read as I'm such a huge cat lover. I'm so sorry for you. :(
I'm very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. We just got a siamese mix kitten a few weeks ago and I'm already so attached. I can't imagine how it feels. I wish you luck and happy memories.
ReplyDeleteyhs.
That was so incredibly sad that I can't stop my tears. My heart breaks for you. Having lived my whole life surrounded by animals, I'm all too familiar with that sorrow. The goodbyes I never got to say haunt me inside. It's good you got to says yours.
ReplyDeletedear Adora,
ReplyDeletei know how it feels. Atleast, you had the chance to say goodbye. My cat passed away last year, from a heart attack, during the night and he died in my hands. And he didnt had any signs of illness at all. But I was lucky, inside my misery. Just a month before his death, i breed him with another cat, and now i have his two kids. I still miss him terrible,though, and loosing a pet, is like a death in the family. Be strong and I am sure that your cat is somewhere where she can see you and love you back. I know that im blessed now, cause i have an angel taking care of me.
my deepest condolences for your loss
Zoe
I'm so sorry about Signhild.
ReplyDeleteWe had to do the same with our cat, but she was in too much pain, and she couldn't be cured (water in her lungs).
Eventhough it hurts right now, it was the best choice.
@Anonymous: Signhild could not cure herself. The last bloodtest showed both her kidneys was out and everything she drank just went through her, making her de-hydrated, harming the kidneys even more. Eventually her body would have poisoned itself. In her case it was a matter of days.
ReplyDeleteJa det är hemskt att behöva avliva sina små älsklingar! Stor kram!
ReplyDeleteHar ni någon katt kvar nu?
You did the right thing. It was better for Signhild to die in your arms, than die within days, and when she might had been away from you, or in another room.
ReplyDeleteThis almost made me cry, but I'm at school..but I swear to go if I wasn't at school I would cry my eyes out. I'm sure I will be crying rivers if I ever read this again, when beeing home.
Trust me Adora. Trust me. You did the right thing. You enden her suffering, and I'm sure she is watching over you somewhere and smiles and purrs to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are the very last person who deserves such a thing.
I too am a cat lover. I'm not that into dogs, but I do love cats.
and I give you my condolences and best wishings. And I hope you do get happy again..because reading about you beeing sad..is heartbreaking!
Be strong, but that doesn't mean you can't miss her, and think of her. I know she will be thinking of you aswell, wherever she is now.
I'm so sorry for your loss!:(
I am so sorry for your loss. Myself and my partner had to put our cat to sleep over a year ago as she had cancer.We had the weekend before we put her to sleep, and I really cherish the last moments with her.
ReplyDeleteEven though it is painful to lose a loved one, I realised that the time I spent with my cat is worth every second of the grief. I am so happy that I was part of her life. Even though at times I still cry over her, and if I am honest always will.
In time the hurt will ease, and the happy memories will make you smile and remember.
Signhild will always be there within your heart.You will always have that bond together.
That bond will never break.
Das zu lesen macht mich sehr traurig :'( Ich hoffe Signhild hat es gut, dort wo sie jetzt hingeht! Und für dich hoffe ich, dass dein Kummer so schnell wie möglich wieder verschwindet und du dich nur an die schönen Minuten und Stunden zusammen mit ihr erinnerst.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for you. I was crying while I'm reading this, because I really feel with you. Think of all the lovely moments with her.
ReplyDeleteI' so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteAdora:
ReplyDeleteThis must be so hard for you, I could not image myself in that situation, you must be a very strong person, and I think the weekend you gave her, is the most precious thing you could do, I love animals and really appreciate people who think the same, that says a lot about the kind of human being you are
I will light a candle for your loved little Signhild.
ReplyDeleteI, too, will light a candle for your Signhild. Your story has brought tears to my eyes. You are a beautiful soul.
ReplyDeleteDear Adora,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss... Hold on, but sometimes it's good to cry out your pain. I did a lot when lost my little princess, but I've never felt she's really gone... I guess Signhild is OK on the other side of the rainbow and she wants you to smile
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteA big hug to you and your family.
Dear Adora...we do not know each other, but i feel touched by what happened to you and someway near...
ReplyDeleteThere's no much I can say about..
..Sincerly 三島Dave
I am truly sorry about your lost and I totally understad what you going trough. I put my doggie to sleep a month ago and it was really sad I cried for a whole week he was part of our family and its sad to loose someone you love so much. He had stones on his bladder and couldnt pee wich was painful the dr told me that it was too late to go to surgery anyways I had to put him to sleep and it torn me appart but it was the best for him. I will remember my frijol always and Im sure you'll remember your kitty Im sorry :(
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I nearly cried reading that, that's heart breaking :(
ReplyDeleteThis is so painful... it reminded me of my cutie princess... Best of lucks
ReplyDeleteYou made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Adora! It's not easy to lose something so special to you! I remember when my little kitty "Bubba" ran away, I cried like a baby... I know it's nothing compared to losing something you love so much forever! It's such a heartbreaking thing. But she went peaceful, and she probably had the best family! She was very lucky to have you and your family! And she's deffinatly looking down, knowing she had a wonderful and loving family! I wish you the best of luck! You are a stronge women! I know you can get through this! All my love! <3<3<3
ReplyDeleteTeared up reading this. I have not lost a pet yet, but I would imagine this would be very difficult to go through ..
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, 2 1/2 years doesn't seem that long. At least you could hold her and be close to your cat on the cat's last days.
I know this happened nearly a year ago, but I am just now reading this. I wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your posts about losing her has brought me to tears.
ReplyDelete