Sunday, December 12, 2010

Taking the self harm to a new level

Okay cutters, I now play in a league of my own with self infliktion.
As many goths I just looooove getting dark, bitter, and then cut myself for being so boring (this is NOT true - I don't cut myself - noone should). Cutting yourself is more like a hobby instead of being crafty and do something creative with your life.
So when I felt I was close to getting a sinusitis I made damn sure so misbehave and make that a bad ass sinusitis; pain in my whole face, the teeth hurted, my temple was in cramp and the headache was nearly unbearable. Then it was time to call the doctor for some serious pain.
He sprayed my nose with something with the resemblance to solvent in taste. I started to get eructations. Then he shoved 5 cotton swabs in each nostril, 10 centimeters in (ouch!). Where's the camera when you need one?
By this time I shut my eyes. Something was put in to keep my nostrils wide open, a tube was inserted and then there was a bang. The same to the other nostril. I asked why there was bang, bang in my nose? And here's the über cool part - I got pierced inside my skull!!! Try to out-cool that! He pierced a hole to my sinus on both sides to enable a tube to get in.
He then rinsed my sinuses with 5 deciliters of water on each side. It was awful! I almost puked. I could feel the water swishing behind my eyes *help*
There came out so much mucus the doctor almost cheered with proudness! Once again - where's the camera?
Then - he torn out the left one. The right tube is still attached to my sinus skeleton for another rinse tomorrow. When the anesthesia went away the pain was horrible and I had blood running from both my nostrils. Looked very goth-cool I might add. You can still see the cut off tube in my nostril on the picture.
So, instead of making puny cuts on your forearms to make people feel sorry for you, try to pierce your sinuses instead, for some real pain! I feel so hard-core now!


  1. I know the stuffing your nose and all of that since I broke my nose ones (not a pleasure). So good luck tomorrow and I hope things will get better!

  2. yeap, I've been through that hell!!
    I had sinusitis when I was 15 (?), the machine and the sucking part is actually like they are putting your brain out from your nose with those tubes!!! and the liquid.. oh God, ... I better eat cookies and forget all that...
    I had like 10 sessions.... how many do you have?? I hope just one, Honey!!!

    ps> by the way, did you see the cookies I sent for your kids and you -via Facebook-?

  3. Merker at jeg mistet mye av respekten for deg etter å ha lest dette. Jeg trodde du var smartere og mer voksen enn som så.

  4. omg u poor thing * many cuddles* i hope u feel better soon

    Much Love
    Always Amber

  5. Shit det lät läskigt! Fast jag hade lätt velat se...jag som är sjukt nyfiken på allt äckligt...


  6. @M: Since I'm a curious bastard, I'd like to know what made you react? Since I give out nothing about me being a cutter myself/being a recovered cutter or just a non-cutter it can't be that? I'm often very ironic, but most people seems to understand my irony.
    I can't figure out what set you off? Please tell me, so I can express myself better.


    (For those who can't read her language she wrote she lost a lot of respect for me after reading this post. And that she thought I was smarter and more grown up than this.)

  7. Well, Adora, forget, who cares about what she did say...
    10 years ago i've had to suffer the same pain ,as you do now.
    I hope you'l get better as soon as possible.
    I think people loose a half of their life, just by being SO grown up.

  8. löjligt att försöka jämföra fysiskt smärta med psykisk.

  9. To previous anon: Can't you read? :D All she said was that if you have to hurt yourself because you are oh so full of that teenage angst at least don't be a ridiculous attention whore scratching your wrists, but try out some real pain instead (bu puncturing your sinuses). And of course, that was a joke. I think she went far enough for it to be funny for those who actually did slice their wrists as teens. Please stop being oh so serious about everything, you commafuckers. ;O

  10. Adora, I'm so sorry you're going through hell, but you're tough and at least you still look fly, right?
    You inspire me!

  11. Ouch. Sounds painfull indeed.

    Hope your pretty nose feels better soon!